Secure and loving relationships are crucial to our well-being and happiness in life. However, being in a relationship can sometimes be difficult. When the bad outweighs the good, you may start to think that there is something wrong with you or your partner. But there is nothing wrong with either of you!
The problem is likely that you have not been taught the skills necessary to be in an intimate relationship over the long term, and/or you are telling yourself negative stories about yourself, your partner and your relationship that is getting in the way of feeling close and connected.
I have advanced training in two of the premiere couple therapy modalities—Gottman Method Therapy and The Development Model. Together we will work toward:
- Handing conflict more productively
- Speaking and listening more effectively
- Reducing reactivity and anger
- Managing and accepting personality differences
- Standing up for yourself skillfully without making things worse
- Engaging in difficult conversations you would typically rather avoid
- Taking a look at the negative stories you have created about each other with openness and curiosity
- Becoming more compassionate with each other
- Making the difficult decision to stay or go when things get too painful
Couples Counseling FAQs
My rate for couples counseling is $150/hour. I also do longer sessions in 90 minute and 2 hour increments for those who need more time.
I do not take insurance but would be happy to provide you with a superbill for submission to your insurance company for possible reimbursement. Please contact them for your out of network coverage
The first session is mainly informational. We start with your couples story: How you met, how you decided to become a committed couple, any major transitions along the way: engagements, living together, birth of a child, marriage, and any breakups or separations (no matter how short).
I recommend a longer first session (90 minutes or even 2 hours) in order to get as much information as possible so that I can be helpful to you from the very first session.
In that timeframe, I will also ask you both about your experience in the relationship, the things you would like to see change, and what your relationship’s strengths are. By the end of the session you should come away with several goals to begin implementing right away to begin changing your relationship dynamic.
Contrary to popular belief, being in a long-term committed relationship can be extremely challenging, especially after the “honeymoon” period wears off (anytime between 6 months and 2 years).
When conflicts start to arise and differences emerge, most couples are at a loss regarding how to handle these stressors. Some people turn their loved one into their enemy and get into painful patterns of hostile fighting about all sorts of topics, never sure of what the real issue is. Often, even after couples make up, they still sense that nothing has actually been resolved.
Other couples don’t seem to fight, but they don’t really feel known to each other either. After the initial falling in love period, they no longer feel like they are sharing their life with a loved one, but with a stranger.
Conflict is inevitable! It’s normal. But it takes real skill to handle conflict without damaging the bond that couples share. Both hostile fighting (enemies), or complete conflict avoidance (strangers), are unhealthy relationship patterns that must be changed. My goal is to teach you the skills to become allies, which includes better communication skills, conflict management and relationship repair after things go wrong (which they inevitably will) so you can get back on track more quickly and effectively.
My job is to help you handle conflict in a more productive way, and to identify the real issue underneath the topics you argue about so that you can get back to the strong bond you felt when you first met and fell in love. Most couples struggle to do this on their own, which is why they seek my guidance.
On average, 10-12 sessions is recommended on a semi-regular basis to begin to see major changes in the dynamic of the relationship. However, I’ve seen couples get what they needed out of therapy in as few as 3 sessions.
I have couples who come every week or two when they first start out, and then taper down to once a month or even once every few months when they start incorporating the changes on their own and meeting their relational goals.
Every couple and situation is different. If you are recovering from infidelity or another major betrayal, or if the resentment in your relationship has been building up for years, or if one or both members of the couple have past trauma, healing will typically take longer.
However, it’s completely up to you how long and how often you are willing to come. I work with you to accommodate your schedule and budget as best I can.
That’s ok! I have worked with many clients on an individual basis and we are still able to get to the root of the issue so that significant changes can happen even if only one person is doing the work. Because couples get into repetitive cycles of conflict (or avoidance), if one person shifts their dynamic, often the whole relationship can change.
Therapy can be such an important component to having a great relationship, that you owe it to yourself to try again. Sometimes people just don’t click with a certain therapist. It’s important to make sure you choose someone well-trained in relationship issues, who makes you feel comfortable, but who is also directive about helping you see the issues in the relationship and expertly guiding you to make the changes necessary to improve your dynamic.
I offer a 20 minute complimentary phone call so that you can see if I can be helpful to you in whatever your are struggling with.
More Therapy Services
Trained in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this innovative and creative therapeutic modality aids clients in managing difficult thoughts and feelings, discovering what truly matters to them, and taking committed action toward their goals that are in line with their values.
For the client who needs to go deeper than traditional talk therapy can offer, I utilize a cutting-edge, research backed, mind-body-relational therapy that utilizes focused mindfulness to quickly and efficiently get to core issues and resolve them. Brainspotting Therapy can reduce the impact of negative life experiences.