What You Are Really Arguing About

About the eBook

What You Are Really Arguing About helps couples think about their relationship complaints, concerns, and issues in a whole new way. The eBook reviews the most common problems I’ve observed after working for more than a decade with hundreds of couples and offers practical tips to improve your relationship.

What You Are Really Arguing About includes a Relationship Assessment Form—an informal diagnostic tool to quickly identify your relationship’s strengths and weaknesses. This form has strengthened couples’ relationships by helping pinpoint the areas that need the most work.

Throughout the six chapters of the eBook, you’ll learn how to:

  • Effectively stand up for yourself
  • Set clear and compassionate boundaries
  • Become more accepting of your partner
  • Learn about gender differences, how much they really matter, and how to navigate them 
  • Learn to communicate more effectively

You’ll also learn the 3 most important areas for a happy, successful relationship:

  1. Feeling loved, cared about and appreciated
  2. Feeling trust, dependability and commitment
  3. Feeling accepted as you are, free to be yourself, and respected by your partner

Typically we fall in love when these 3 areas are strong, but over the years, these areas get chipped away at, and one or both of us begins to feel emotionally unsafe, unloved, or disrespected.  

This eBook helps couples strengthen these domains and keep them solid over the years. 

What You Are Really Arguing About


Your eBook download includes:

  • Relationship Assessment Form
  •  20+ Quick Tips
  • Additional Resources


From Readers

“Your book did a fantastic job of helping me organize my thoughts and feelings (not something that I have ever done well before.) I feel it has definitely made the sessions with our counselor and my wife more productive from my perspective. Thank you for that tool and your aid.”
Jim G, San Diego

“Last week was a very tough week with my boyfriend and I. Finding out about your book was a gift from God. I know after reading the first two pages you have my full attention. Thank you for sharing your book with me.”
Connie V, San Diego

“I ordered your e-book and was able to connect to it. A few things stood out to me: the fact that conflict free marriages are possible, men generally suppress their feelings, and no man wants to be married to his mother.”
Joe P, San Diego

From Professionals

“Barbi is an excellent communicator. I have experienced her skills first-hand and recommend her book and her counsel to all of my patients.”
Dr. Micah Lissy, Rochester, NY

“Your assessment is great. Impressive.”
Jamie Engwer, LMFT

“Your book is great! You have advice that can make healthy relationships even stronger and prevent problems down the road.” 
Dr. Michael Preziosi, UCSD